he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
you never un-have a 4some
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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