I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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