Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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