bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
