Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we made out on top of his cat.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
