I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
