Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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