Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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