I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
