Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.