I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
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Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.