As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .