CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As shirtless as possible
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.