R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
