Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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