oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
