Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
