her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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