I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We have so much sex to catch up on
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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