I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
