i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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