did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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