...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
