nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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