why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
