Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
