His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
