Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
