So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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