Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
nutella sex= disaster
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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