you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
