I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
