so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
