yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
