I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
