I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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