If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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