dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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