Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
