My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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