I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
