Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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