is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
try to milk me bitch
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