I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
