batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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