I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
