So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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