the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
