i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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