I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
