Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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