I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
