Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
