Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
