I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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