i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
