Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
