You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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