I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
