Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
