my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
