fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
