Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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