Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?