Soap is not a condiment
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.