Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off