we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
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Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again