Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?