I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.