What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
