it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
