Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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