I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
