well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
