I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
