I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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