did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
