Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
