You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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